I’m pretty convinced that the songwriters of Mumford and Sons hired a private investigator to follow me around since 2002 and collect fodder for their songs. They’ve made millions on my life! I am also determined to write a blog entry on each song…
The Mumford P.I.’s must have written this song while I was “self-emptying” myself in formation to become a nun:
How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes…And now my heart stumbles on things I don’t know…My weakness I feel I must finally show…Lend me your eyes I can change what you see…But your soul you must keep totally free…
All true…but, you see, I freely, enthusiastically, with my whole heart I chose this. I entered into the process, I trusted the process; I invested my life. Freely. With an open heart.
In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die…Where you invest your love, you invest your life…
Invest your love. Invest your life. This is painstakingly my truth.
My favorite poet, Mary Oliver, has a poem:
Someone I once loved gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to realize that this too was gift.
Grief smacked me in my face today. She’s sneaky…she comes in many forms. You think she’s gone or at least leashed or sedated, but she’s still there; waiting patiently to envelop you with her suffocating presence Today, she came in the form of love, kindness, and hugs…unexpected and overwhelming. She also reared herself in a more reasonable, “logical” way: rejection and forgetfulness. I hate her–her unpredictability; not knowing her place nor appropriateness or timing!
My love and life were invested. My investments have also handed me a life-sized box of darkness. My God…I pray I can find the gifts sooner than later.